From The Void: Voidstar RP Archive & Feedback

[Deleted]

Hey folks,

Looking to set this up mostly as a quick access to my own past work. This is a new character, so feedback, questions or comments are definitely welcomed 

Match Roleplays

The Dawn of Darkness - Engage 01 vs Dick Devereaux

CD Roleplays

001 - Not Quite TV Material - Failed attempt at a TV interview, prior to Engage 01.

002 - Voidstar Has A New Fan?! - Voidstar meets a lovely young lady who claims to be his biggest fan.

[Deleted]

Hey, just wanted to say that I will give feedback, but I just don't have enough of a feel for your character yet. Just know that I am enjoying reading and as soon as I can give feedback I will.

[Jeremy King]

I think that moving to screenplay/script format has helped your flow. Having said that, I'd say that of any writer but that's just because of my personal preference to read screenplay format. Things move faster, the scene feels more believable (if done correctly). That suits my personal style as a writer and a reader.

One thing that's immediately clear about you is that you know how to write. Form, grammar, etc - it's all there. The knowledge and the execution are both there. My one critique (because I'll always give balanced feedback to those who ask for it) is that your dialogue is a little rough around the edges. I don't always believe that what I'm reading is what I'd hear. Dialogue is an incredibly difficult thing to nail and it takes time. There's a few people I read here who nail it. Most are okay, but could be better. You're somewhere between the two.

I can see you're following the "how to" posts on this board when it comes to scoring as high as possible and that will serve you well, given that you already have the fundamentals nailed. Keep it up.

[Deleted]

I'd sure hope that my form and grammar is spot on. Lol. But thanks for the feedback nevertheless.