The Perils of Social Media

[Deleted]

EXT. HOME OF WALTER HOBBS - AFTERNOON 

Once again, we open up outside of the home of WALTER HOBBS, where once again we find a Harley Davidson parked in front, which once again, as Walt exits his car and heads toward the front door, he is completely oblivious to it. Walt is wearing a cowboy hat. He looks excited.

CUT TO:

INT. WALT'S HOUSE - FOYER - CONTINUOUS

We are in the front foyer. From upstairs, we hear LANA HOBBS in the throws of passion, coupled with the sound of a bedpost slamming against a wall. 

LANA (O.S.)

Don't! You! Ever! Stop! Fucking! Me!

We hear the sound of the front door being unlocked.

LANA (O.S.)

Shit! Stop, stop, stop!

The door opens, and in enters Walt. 

WALT 

Lana! Great news, baby! Where are 

you, I need to tell you about my day!

Walt races up the stairs. We hear fumbling coming from upstairs.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Lana is on her feet, in negligee, sweaty and flushed, trying to clean up. 

She spots Amarillo Nash's cowboy hat on the floor.



She grabs it as the bedroom door opens, and in enters Walt. She is speechless.

LANA

What are you doing home so ear--

What the hell are you wearing? 

Walt spots the black leather cowboy hat in her hand immediately. He smiles, clueless once again that there is a man inside his closet (whose just been inside his wife). He takes the hat from her.

WALT

Oh, you're good, baby. This hat is  so

much better! This looks just like his. 

Lana is confused.

LANA

Like whose?

WALT

Amarillo. Amarillo Nash. Mickey must

have called you and told you all about it.

Walt takes off his goofy cowboy hat and replaces it with Amarillo's hat. He is pacing back in forth with excitement. Lana's eyes volley back and forth, trying to keep up with him, while peripherally keeping her eye on the closet.

WALT (CONT'D)

So Mickey calls me into his office, and I don't know

why, I have no clue. I figure, he's getting rid of me, 

you know, because what's he doing signing me in the 

first place. But I get there, and there's this other

guy there. Amarillo, Amarillo Nash, and honey, you

have gotta see this guy. He's Mickey's new signee,

and we really hit it off-- I mean REALLY hit it off.

Lana, I think I found a new tag team partner!

Lana strategically sits on the bed, angling herself in a manner where Walt's attention toward her leaves room for an Amarillo getaway. Lana picks up her phone from the night stand. 

WALT (CONT'D)

And he's got this cowboy look about him, and so I 

figured, I better get with the program, because, you

know, if we're gonna be a team, we need to be in 

sync-- not the band, but, like we need a theme. And

so I found the hat, but this one's so much better! 

Lana, I'm gonna be a cowboy! What do you say?

LANA

Wonderful news, honey. Everything 

is coming together for you. 

Walt sits down on the bed next to her. 

WALT

For us, baby, for us. I can't
wait for you to meet him.

Lana's face changes. Something she is viewing on her phone has changed her demeanor.

WALT

What's wrong, sweetie?

LANA

Someone's talking about you?

WALT

What?

LANA

Someone in Engage is talking shit 

about you on the social timeline. 

Walt is looking nervous/

WALT

Me? What did I do? Who is it?

LANA

This Voidstar character. Says 

you don't belong in Engage.

She holds the phone up to a picture of Voidstar from his Social Timeline site. Walt cringes. He takes out his own phone to check for himself.

WALT

He looks scary.

LANA

Well, we're not tolerating this.

Lana begins to type a response.

WALT

What are you doing?

LANA

Responding.

Walt looks panicked. 

WALT

Wait. What are you saying?

Lana presses enter. Walt checks his own phone to read Lana's response.

WALT 

(reading Lana's post)

"Listen, fuckface, you best watch your tongue. Your chin like 

an albino's asshole, and my husband likes anal, so he may just 

have to split that albino asshole chin of yours and fuck it!"

Walt is panicked. 

WALT

Lana, you can't write that!

LANA

I just did!

Walt is shaking his head nervously. He begins to type. He hits enter.

Lana reads Walt's response on her phone.

LANA 

(reading Walt's post)

Mr. Voidstar. Lana did not mean that. I mean, yes, 

I do like anal, who doesn't, but I would never try 

to split your chin so I could have intercourse with 

it. Maybe we can get together for a cup of coffee 

and a donut and we can talk this out. It's on me. 

Lana sulks. She begins typing. 

LANA

Walt, we've gotta stick up for ourselves.

We can't let some bullies push us around. 

Lana hits enter.

Walt looks to his phone to read Lana's post.

WALT

(reading Lana's post)

That's assuming you can chew after my 

husband breaks your jaw with his cock!

Walt looks like he is going to be sick.

LANA

Walter, this is good for you. Do you remember

how miserable you were when they brought that

varsity coach in, and he just bullied you for the 

entire season? You have to stand up for yourself.

Now, let me see your phone. 

Walt shakes his head. Lana holds out her hand. 

LANA

Walter?

Reluctantly, he holds his phone out to Lana. She grabs it, and after a moment of reluctance on Walt's part, she pries it from his hand. She begins to type an entry, and hands the phone back to Walt.

We ZOOM IN on the entry.

INSERT - SOCIAL TIMELINE POST

"That's right, bitch. Don't start nothing, won't 

be nothing. But now it's on, hardcore style, so 

man up, unless you are too much of a pussy. 

Walt turns away.

WALT

Dear God, I'm a dead man.

LANA

Confidence, honey. All you need is a little

confidence. Just think--- what would this 

Amarillo do? Besides, what's the worst that 

can happen?

FADE TO BLACK