Post by Deleted on Jul 1, 2016 3:45:53 GMT
YouTube posting (audio only, publicly listed)
"Worst fuckin' thing you can be in this business... worse'n bein' an insufferable prick – long story, there – worse'n pretty much anythin' else is to be a hypocrite. I do my best, so hope you'll forgive the kinda intentional irony when I say actions speak louder when you're starin' directly into the abyss. Last thing anyone needs is to get a gander at this mug of mine after a hell of a sleepless night. I know the immediate thought's there – tippin' my hand, right? Let you know I'm restless. Let you know I'm not pullin' eight plus hours horizontal but, y'know, I never do when the sand's more in the bottom of the hourglass'n the top. Expectation, I guess."
There's a muffled sniff followed by an almost musical jingle.
"Actions speaker louder – everyone's heard it. It's true, maybe truest in this business of ours. See you can recite every stat you wanna. I could too, all this 'tale of the tape' bullshit those armchair analysts love so much – I'm taller. Got these monkey arms, peg you like that yogi Street Fighter character 'fore you can bat an eye – you know it. I know it. Watched all I could get my hands on – know how fast you are, Caite. Know you'd leave me in the dust if we took off from sprinter startin' positions. World knows – not takin'at lazy, easy road. All the numbers in their pretty columns, all the weighed-out pros an' cons an' the knowledge won't amount to a hill of beans right now. Well, maybe a couple grains of sand in the Sahara 'cause you just kinda handed me a loaded gun. An' a part of me wanted to be nice. Wanted to keep this big mouth of mine shut but... can't."
That jingling is still going on. Maybe a wallet chain, moving along with a knee that just won't stop bouncing?
"Slate gets wiped. Mean, the past... it's good, Caite. Don't think I'm baggin' on how – you an' me both followed similar routes – built from the ground up. Just, it's creepin' into dumbfuck territory. An' hey, you do you. Sing your own praises 'cause it's better when you're writin' the narrative, right? Tell the world – tell me all these reasons you're good enough, great enough, skilled enough to beat couple times over World Champ Lex Collins on sheer moxie alone. Tell 'em how you're lookin' right past, already uncappin' the dry erase to jot Lara Chambers on the whiteboard, already poised to cross her out right 'fore you hang that pretty gold round that oh-so deservin' waist. Tell me whatever you want, Caite. Spin a good one an' hide behind the wall of words – already seen the truth. When you're good – truly on that level – don't need to say. Don't need validation. Aren't standin' here screamin' 'SEE ME' into the wind just 'cause a guy like Keegan Ryan dismissed you an' chose to move on without acknowledgement. You won, Caite. He lost an' what happens in the fallout is what defines YOU. Do you really wanna forge a legacy based on ragin' against some imagined Claude Rains Factor?"
There's a rueful little chuckle right on cue.
"Guy'at played the first Invisible Man. Sorry if that was confusin'. Can't take credit for that. Larry Gowan coined it back 'fore I ever laced up boots. Used it to describe that hopeless, that low-down-dirty feelin' clawin' all these holes up in your perfect confidence. Y'know why I carry that moniker of Fearless? It ain't 'bout some BS 'we shall, we shall overcome' mindset – ain't 'bout how much work I put in an' how I know when you finally konk out in a puddle of your own sweat, I'm gonna pull that fiftieth wind from deep down in my guts an' make it upright. It's about risin' above. It's about acceptance, Caite. It's about ownin' that moment – THE moment – of truth. Starin' down the barrel of that loaded gun, letting the last bubbles of air leave your lungs even knowin' you're in too deep, knowin' that the end is loomin', credits rollin' across that screen an' the whole bit... lookin' at that void, that big, black abyss with a smile, with joy in your heart knowin' it's all good. You could check out here, no regrets. That's where we differ. That's why I'm goin' to the finals, Caite."
There's a little huff of air, half sigh, half amusement.
"See, I'm gonna fire it up 'cause there's no yesterday an' no tomorrow – just here. Just now. So'm gonna do what I do best, Caite. Burn hard. Everythin' I got. To the ground. No regrets."
