Neville Proctor | Archive + Feedback

[Deleted]

Neville Proctor is my first attempt at a new character in ages. So feedback is welcomed, still in the process of finding his voice but mostly created this as a sort of quick reference to all my work.


Character Development
I. A Cult Following
II. The Road To Hollywood

[Jeremy King]

I haven't seen enough from him yet to really critique him properly, but I will say this: your use of "me" instead of "my" doesn't sit right in my head. It makes me think of him as a British guy as opposed to a Southerner from America. Do people in Southern states say "me" instead of "my"? I'm not sure, but I wouldn't have thought so. At times it falls into Chance Kelly territory, if you know what I mean. You're a much better writer so can easily avoid going there.

The scene in that first RP was very unsettling and unique. I've not read anything like it before and that's a great thing, given how many ideas have been flogged to death these days.